* s t a r d u s t a g a i n s t a p a l e s k y *

A falling star is a phenomenon to an adult and magic- a miracle- to a child. Who's right? Things are what you define them. So who am I? I guess it's up to you...

4.28.2005

theoleanderssting.blogspot.com
(because apparently I can run but I can't hide.)

4.12.2005

*Welcome Home*

Half the battle

Is letting go

And now I can start on the other half.

It's over.

The End.

I'll never fly this way.

Not ever again.

4.11.2005

*Um.. Whoops.. I'm Not Allowed To Say This (But I Don't Care)*

Just thought i'd share that all my praying that my ex's honda goes straight to hell has been successful! he crashed it a while ago and just the other day his hood blew off while he was driving and broke his windshield and his car is officially outta commission. fortunately (slash unfortunately, i mean, :-X) all the people there were fine. someone posted a comment that says "damn boy, what did you do to get all this bad karma?"

am i allowed to laugh out loud for 45 minutes about this? let me just say-- what goes around, comes around

and i totally believe that with all my heart ..

.. i took my love back, and i'm holding onto it with my dear life

*A Day Done Right.. For A Change*

I got an extra 6 hours since I wasnt supposed to go to work until 2!! :-D

YAY!

So I'm gonna eat breakfast.. yes I am. And I'm gonna clean my room and play with my hamster, walk my doggie and sit on the hammock and read some more of white oleander. or maybe i'll read another of the one million books i have. or do homework. yeah, theres soooo much. and most of all, i'm going to order pizza hut breadsticks.

boo.

yah.

I'm a happy camper :-)

And I spent another day with Michael yesterday... helped him pack (they're moving closer to meee!) and go to storage, went to his game with his mommy (he scored 4 goals got one assist and one really cool play that he shoulda gotten a point for.. boy is amazing at hockey.. so they wiped the floor with the other team), watched miss congeniality and what women want, and then i left cuz i thought i hadda get up early. it's cool though, i dont want my parents to get all nervous about me being over there all the time. i DO have a freakin 30/40 minute drive home every time.

This movie is perty funny. :-D I'm gonna go order mah pizza hut now :-D

Today is Mickeys 19th birthday by the way. Happy happy birthday :-D

4.09.2005

*Blah... WOAH!*

I hope Michael had a happy happy birthday :-) I know I did. I thought I was gonna stay like an hour last night but instead I fell asleep in his arms and I hadda sneak out past Stef and TJ on the couch. Quite fun.

It was so cute though.. Stef and TJ have been goin out a while and they were like tickling each other... Mike comes up to me, pushes me off the chair, and we wrestled and tickled each other in the middle of a room full of his family. His mom just kept yelling "Don't you hurt her!!". Ugh, its like a dream. Seriously.

No but I had so much fun just hanging out .. again :-) <3>

4.08.2005

*I Never Wanna Leave*

Why does it seem like everyone is against me feeling happy again?

Greg and Martin have stopped talking to me, basically, or at least mostly ignoring me when I talk to them. And it makes me wonder what kind of friends people really are when they can't deal with me having a boyfriend. I mean I'm fucking home from school with clinical depression and I can't even be happy about being with Mike because there's like those two and even more people that are like.. how dare I. I don't even think I've actually said that for fear of everyone getting mad at me.

But fuck it, I said it. I have a boyfriend.

I know my "I'm staying single forever" only lasted a month and whatever but sometimes things just happen. When I went out with him the one day, I totally wasn't expecting us to be the way we were. But I think it's a good thing.

But I freaking can't keep EVERYONE happy.

And I hate to say it, but the boy is sticking around for a while. He's been my good friend for 5 years and.. I think we have a chance.

Well, today is his birthday. He's probably at the DMV takin his drivers test. I think I'm gonna go over there tonight.. they're having a little family get-together. I like his family, a lot. I mean, I've known them forever so, that's cool. And his mom already warned Mike that he better not hurt me :-) haha. You gotta love that. I made him some perty cool stuff for his birthday.. I tried not to go overboard like I usually do since we've only been together like.. I don't know.. a week and a day? yeah. But he's also been my friend all this time so I did go a little overboard. I admit.

But its cool cuz I got paid last night!! $195! I was so excited, and that was just for this week, not including the other weeks that I did or the overtime. I went to put it in the bank and I did the form backwards (haha, so much for working at Commerce) so instead of depositing everything but $30, i only deposited $30. I didn't feel like arguing with the guy and waiting for him to deposit my money so I just took the cash and.. you guessed it.. went shopping. Borders was the only thing open so I got 2 cookbooks... a surfing book.. ashlee simpson cd (shut up).. christianity book.. depression book.. and a few others. I love reading.

I just wish I actually could.

Someday, I'll be a reader. I'm serious. I will be.

I just have to survive this.

And I'm glad I have such a great friend by my side. <3

4.07.2005

Homonymn's Don't Count

Okay so, I really don't want to go to work.

I'm only happy there when I have a really big copy job to do and I know exactly what I'm doing. Still, I'm unsure about ringing things up, copy holds, and everything, basically.

But fortunately I work in Absecon today so I don't have to rush out... 10 mins ago.

Tomorrow is Michael's birthday. I wish I didn't have to work. I dunno if I'm going over there. Sigh. I'm glad its almost the weekend because I'm getting bored with the week. And I have off Sunday. I've worked wayyyyy overtime so possibly I'll be getting paid a LOT whenever I finally get a check.

Oh, I wanted to post some pictures from the game..



And that's my Michael :-)


The pictures of the actual game were pretty blurry because I used the zoom, :-(

Oh sigh, I have to go get dressed and go to work.
ARGHHhhhh

4.06.2005

Yankees game = freakin awesome

NJ Transit = SUCKS

My Michael = Sooo adorable and good to me and almost a birthday boy!

My car = beautifulness

The weather today = sah-weet

Me = Outside, where I should be

4.04.2005

I went to Gourmet and got chocolate chip cannolis.. along with the milanos.. and I went to eckerds for my prescriptions so I'm a happy happy camper.

I'm staying at Mikes tonight and then going to the Yankees/Red Sox game that starts at one.. that way I don't have to get up a half an hour earlier than everyone else and drive to pick up mike and phil and his brother.

Sometimes I just feel like some people...
... just want to kick you back down...
... because they feel like that's where you belong...

I don't wanna be down. And I don't wanna belong.

*I'm A Child, I'm A Mother*

Today deserves a big freakin smile and an "AMEN!"

I went to church for the first time in .. God knows how long. It was communion Sunday which made me happy and I finally decided it's time to turn back on the road with Christ. I've been gona and I've been broken too long. It's just not worth it, without Him life is meaningless but...

.. don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got til its gone? ..

i guess I couldn't feel this happy bout coming back to Christ if I had never gone away.

Anyways, then Michael and I went out to breakfast with my mommy and I had excellent french toast and hot chocolate.

Then Michael and I got lost on the way to his hockey game, which kinda sucked, because they ended up losing .. mostly cuz he was so late. It wasn't my fault tho! I swear! And the boy scored the only goal in the whole game so, I was proud anyway :-)

Then I went back to his house for dinner with his family. They have two dogs and all these reallllllly cool birds. Like, freakin huge birds that just like.. talk to you. It's crazy. But cool. I love his family. It's so cool that I already know them, and like them, and vice-versa. Although I admit it's kinda weird how long Mike and I have been friends and now we're together. But, I decided I'm just not goign to worry and I'm not going to ask questions.

So, Mike and I watched Pirates of the Carribean (No, Jenni, I didn't watch it, dammit) and then watched the Yankees opener (which I did watch until...)

I fell asleep in the happiest state I've been in in a long time and woke up at the bottom of the 8th and the Yankees were def. gonna win. I stayed anyway until the game was over and gave Michael Jesse back his necklace that I was wearing from the other night and said goodnight. I was so tired, I'm glad I had to stop at Wawa or else I woulda never made it the half an hour home.

I bought my parents milk and myself a box of donuts and milanos. I'm so happy that WAWA exists. lol.

So now I'm here. My face is kinda itchy. But it's cool.

I gotta work tomorrow and get off on Tuesday for the Yankees game (I'm posting pictures from it cuz I'm def. bringing the camera!) so I'm heading to bed (but not without a smile).

I can't believe he's the same cute little blondie from youth group like 5 years ago.

4.02.2005

*High As A Kite (On Life)*

*happy sigh*

I'm going back to church tomorrow.. with Mike.

I had a great night, hung out with Daniel and Lauren (I'm sooo glad she came with me, I'm totally out of place at one of those rock concerts), and then with Michael. Teehee. I met his birds. They scare the crap outta me. One is like.. freakin huge and it talks to you. Wow. And I'm gonna go see him play tomorrow, I'm excited, in all the years I've known the boy I've never watched him play hockey.

Oh and the Yankees opener is tomorrow, and I'm required to watch it with him.

<3>

Oh, catch me, puh-lease.

Yeah, so that took all of.. a month. Whoopsies. :-X Bad Sarah.

Onto Michael numero eighty eight.

*I Want Something Else Again*

So Hrmm... I just painted my nails and fingernails (fingers with tips to match my toes.. :-) But now I realized that I can't get in the shower yet so I have to wait for them to dry. So here I am.

Hopefully the concert will be over early enough for me to go visit Michael.. although I wanna stick around long enough to say hi to Daniel because that was the real intent of going, and he should at least know that I showed up.

*yawn* I'm actually kinda tired still for the other night, although I got quite a bit of sleep last night.

My rooms clean! Aren't you excited? Okay, so the spare room still has a box or four stacked ceiling-high that I have to unpack buuuut my room is squeeky clean and everything is in its place and organized. It makes me so happy!

Hehe, to get into the organizing mood I did the most OCD thing I think I've done ever... I had saved all the notes that Shannon and I and some other people passed in high school. I had this huge box of them (I've been using em as packing peanuts every time I move, lol) and I bought 3-rings and page liners things and seriously unfolded all the notes and put them in a binder. It's actually kinda cool, but it doesn't even look lik eI took any out cuz there were sooooooooooo many. So far ther's at least 60 in there and that's like only the tip of the iceberg. It was mostly Freshman year I think (some while I was still going out with Nick.. woah, I didn't even know that was high school!).

Anyways I'm gonna scoot into the shower and then off to the concert and Mikey's :-D

*You Should See*

So I have to clean alllll day.

And I realized that I've become even more OCD about cleanliness-- which is ironically become my excuse for not cleaning-- I don't have enough time to make it perfect.. and I can't settle for less!!

Well, I suppose I have time today so HOPEFULLY everything will be perfect by the time I head out for Daniel's concert (hopefully with Lauren!!).

Then hopefully Mike will be out of work so I can get a hug and a smile. :-D

Hugs and smiles are all that matters anyway.

4.01.2005

*Can I Speak To Penelope Anne?*

Okay so here's the story from last night that I was too tired to type out...

I picked Mike up at like 11.. made him stand in front of his mom's pet store and wave his arms at the street.. teehee. I went in and said hi to his mommy.. who said I look even more like my mom. Hehe, I've known them for.. as long as I can remember. Oh, and he's not taller than me. But finally, not shorter either. Hehe, he'll always be like.. little 4'8'' 12-year-old Michael to me. Hehe.

We went across the street to the diner. I had a bagel and he had a BLT in case you were interested. hehe.

Then we went to Flyer's Skate Zone in Atlantic City to go ice skating. Damn, I forgot he was a freaking hockey player, not to mention an awesome and freakin fast skater. It was my second time on the ice. LoL. I was pretty good though, for twice. I could do one lap in his two. But you should see him, he freakin flies (On a side note though, I didn't fall at all and he fell 3 times... boo yah!). Mike played with the kids on the rink.. soo cute. he's so good with kids (you would be too if you practically had one though.. haha.. long story). It was really cute, and he held my hands and helped me skate and.. haha, more like dragged me around the rink while I prayed not to fall. Boy is so flirty, but adorable.

lmao. my dog just walked in the house with a thong in her mouth. hehe, maybe she's a victoria's secret addict too (errr. she found it on the street.. it ain't mine. woah now gross).

Ok so anyways. After skating we came back to my house and I took Cashmere for a walk while Mike talked to my daddy.. who he noted was exactly the same-- talking on his cell phone. ha, so true. We got movie times and determined that the movie wasn't until 7:20 and it was still really early soooo we went to the mall. We got a lot of food.. Auntie Annes and Kohr Bros.. and he bought a shirt (and got mint chocolate ice cream all over his own shirt.. and on his pants) and I bough a realllllly cute belly ring-- it's a sheep. And I wanna go back and get these new ones-- they're street signs. Hehe. Anyways, mostly we just tried on hats and sunglasses and.. I kept him away from the jewelry stores because he's obsessed with gold.. hehe, my little italian. It was cool, we didn't even go through the whole mall before we had to leave. We were entertaining ourselves pretty well.

So finally we went to the movies.. we saw uhhh.. hrmm.. Be Cool? yeah. It wasn't that bad. And yes Jenni, I watched the whole thing. (hehe.. hmm.. erm.. mostly).

After the movies it was like 1030ish so I drove him home to Mystic Island. I missed all the turns on the way. I was so tired. Haha, but then we got back to his house and talked in my car for .. uhh .. erm .. 5 or 6 hours? hehe, yeah. So I drove home at 5AM from Mystic Island (which I don't remember).. I forgot my cell phone in the car so I couldn't call Mike to tell him I was home but before I went out to get the phone my mom got up and I had to pretend like I was asleep because.. woah.. I was really late. Oh and then I had to go to work this morning early. Perty tired now. Pepsi charged. Boo Yah.

But it was an awesome night. It was so cool, when I laid down I realized the sides of my mouth hurt because I was smiling all day. :-D Now that's a good day.

It was quite possibly the best (and longest) day I've had in a long long long long time.

LMAO. Friends is really funny.. its the ep when Rachel finds out she's pregnant and Ross and Joey are freaking out about condoms only being protection 97% of the time. I guess you have to see it but I'm really laughing out loud.

Ok so anyways. Who knows what's going on with life. But I think it's a little freaky that I spent all night with Mike on that one particular day of the year. Shit, I totally shouldn't be thinking about that. But I am.

And get this, Mike's birthday is in like a week. *sigh* The day before Jesse's .. hehe, also his middle name .. and my parents anniversary and matts bday and mickeys bday and someone else's i'm sure. i can't remember. shit.

Oh who cares. I had a kickass night and I'm happy. :-D

3.30.2005

*Laughter*

I got up late. I was late for work. My pants were too tight at the bottoms, my socks were white, and I forgot my name tag. No one trained me so I just pretty much did whatever all day, making it up as I went. I hope there aren't too many complaints tomorrow with my name on it. They want me to work tomorrow. That's 4 days in a row, 8 hours a day, which isn't that much except I'm not clocking in so who knows if I'll even get paid in full.

I'm annoyed. I got home (late, because I didn't finish my work until 6:30 instead of 6) and everyones at my house and with 7 people, no one wants to walk the dog. So they ask me to do it 5 mins after I walk in the door.

I'm annoyed. I've been in a bad mood all day, except I'm glad that I fit into size 0 junior pants now. Because during my break (that ended up taking too long because the girl in front of me couldn't find 7 cents) I went to the mall and bought fucking new pants, even though they cost 30 dollars because I hate those other pants and threw them away on the way out.

I'm annoyed. food costs too much, I have $0, my car is on empty, and my mom owes me $130 and she has for a really long time. There's less than $90 in my bank account, my hair is flat, I need a haircut, they want me to work tomorrow...

I'm annoyed.

But on a happier note, Daniel's concert is Saturday, I'm going out with Mike tomorrow, Gregory Scot sent me a text message last night just to say he loved me, hopefully Martin will come back this weekend too and I got a room with my favorite girlie Alicia next to my other favorite girlies Jenni and Sarah. *sigh* i love my girlies, I can't wait to be back.

I'm annoyed. But I'll live
Without you dear. Boo Yah.

3.29.2005

*Forever And Ever*

work work work is all i've been doing. I came home from staples today and started my schoolwork.

I like it. It makes me feel useful.

I'm glad because it's kept my mind off of other things that I shouldn't have been thinking so much about.

I should just let things happen.

And stop hating people that hate me.

Cuz that's not the way I am, and certainly not the way I wanna be.

3.27.2005

*Recruit Me*

So umm..

I went for a walk on the beach with my puppy from Brigantine to Atlantic City.

I tried to think about something that is really pressing on my mind.

But all I could fucking think about was Mike and, get this, still Mickey, and how much I fucking care/d about them. I feel like in Mike I lost my best friend and in Mickey I just.. lost.

I don't understand. It was LOVE to me. It was real. It IS real to me. I mean it's past and obviously over but I still care about these people. There's no way in hell I could be like them and just give the fuck up and leave. I hate it. Ugh.

I had a really great night last night with Martin. He's the sweetest guy. The thing that really makes me mad is that I've known he's the sweetest guy for like 5 years. And yet I still seem to go for assholes. And I still just can't deal with this crap. You know its been almost a year since Mickey and I broke up. And its still in my head.

I hate it. I'd do anything to not let it out my lips before it crosses my brain to shut up.

And I fucking think about this TOO MUCH.

Just GO AWAY, damn it. Fuck this, I'm really really getting annoyed.

I knew it was gonna be a bad day, didn't I?

*Walk The Talk*

I wake up now already knowing what kind of day its going to be.

I predict bad and unproductive.

Oh wait, that's every day.

It may have something to do with the sore throat I have from either the medication for my asthma or singing in my car for the 2 1/2 hour drive to Palisades. Or maybe it has to do with embarassing phone calls that I made this morning. I hate the phone. Or maybe it has to do with still not going to church. I haven't been to church for a really long time. Either way, I wish I didn't spend so much time thinking about all the stuff I really want to do (especially cleaning my room and unpacking from school). I still have boxes up here from Messiah. Three of them. And they just sit there and stare at me and.. I don't know what to do.

Yesterday I started crying in the car, randomly. This is so hard. It's like, I'm trying to act better, thinking that just acting better will make it better. But its like there's always a fall back to where I was afterward.

Like yesterday was so cool. Ingrid and Lisa were so sweet and Paul was funny and.. it was just so cool being with new people, even if I'm quiet and I wish I was more interesting. And then I came home and Martin came over and he's so cool and sweet.. ugh, I wish I deserved that kind of a guy. And then Shannon and Ishai came over and we watched my favorite movie and slept over and it was just.. so nice. So like, what happened? Why did I wake up in such a bad mood.

Because I can have fun but I still can't get anything done. And I still would rather be alone all the time. Like, being at my house while my parents were in Philly was so cool. It's like, I love my parents but I just feel so much less stressed when they're not here.

Mostly because all I ever do at home is disappoint them by not doing what they ask me.

Motivate me. I wanna get myself out of this bed. Captivate me. I want good thoughts inside of my head.

3.26.2005

*Never Tell Your Friends*

So, I'm randomly going to Nyack, NY tonight to visit with Lisa Ingrid Amy and I think Becky and her boyfriend. I think I'm going alone because it was so last minute and Shannon is in Philly. Argh. It's all good though. I have my finger eleven CDs and Palisades mall is right at the end of the parkway, so easy directions. Plus for easter my mommy left me a map of PA, NY, and NJ. So as long as I don't accidentally go south, I'm pretty much covered. :-)

Last night was funny. I went to the lock in and Shannon came later on and we talked and then went to the diner with the youth group. Man, those kids grow up fast. But anyways then we didn't know what do to so we came home. I was hyper until then but right when I got home I was tired so I read a little bit and fell asleep.

Needless to say my phone rang at like 3 or something. For once it wasn't Justin or Greg though.. so Martin came and picked me up in the middle of the night and I snuck out in my PJs and beloved new hat. Who knows what we talked about, I was half asleep. I vaguely remember being on the roof of the Borgata parking garage and at a broken Gourmet and.. walruses? walri? I can't remember a damn thing.. I'm sure i was wonderful company :-\

So either way, we weren't out long.. maybe half an hour, driving around and talking.. when I came back home my parents freaked at the door cuz it makes so much damn noise. I don't think they cared though.

I crashed in point-two seconds and now somehow I'm about to get in my car and drive to Nyack, NY.

Let me just tell you something about myself. I LOVE spontinaety (or some combination of those letters and maybe a few more). I'm lovin this. I just hope I don't get lost (or lonely).

*Burn Themselves In The Fire*

Stayed at the lock-in as an adult and helped out around the youth events. I want to marry someone like Christy's Danny. Funny, sweet, thoughtful.. and adorable helps too. Too bad everyone like that is married. Or dead.

Maybe I'm exaggerating. But I kinda wanted to stay out tonight but there was nothing to do. Shannon and I went to the Phoenix (or some combination of those letters) and then to the Galloway Diner but had no desire to eat so we just went home.

I wish Ishai would fall for Shannon already. Guys can be so thick and stuck in their ways, they don't see that someone wonderful is waiting around for them to stop being so blind.

I have no idea if I'm going to Nyack tomorrow to see Lisa or not. I'm thinkin not because she didn't call and I have to somehow take care of my dog, and my parents are going away.

Which means, of course, party at my house. All my friends are invited.

Which means Shannon, break out the monopoly, it's gonna be a long night.

Hopefully Martin will be around until Shannon gets back from Philly. We all know how scared of the dark I am O=)

3.25.2005

*Anything Your Heart Desires Will Come To You*

When you wish upon a star..
Makes no difference who you are..
Anything your heart desires will come to you..

I love disney. It gives me hope.

I was just upstairs hanging the newly framed tinkerbell sketch on my wall. *sigh* I was shopping with shannon and we realized the mall is freakin tiny. But I love it anyway. And I bought enough anyways--- besides the money I ate in ice cream pizza and soda, I got a magazine, two books (including one I'm sure that is written about me called "Mike, Mike, and Me"), and a hat.

Aaaaaand I decided that I'm getting a bunny. Most definitely. I think I'm going to talk to my aunt and see if maybe she'll take care of him or her whenever I'm at school. Wouldn't that be awesome? *happy sigh*

I knowwww I just got a dog but the dog is my mom's. Cashmere loves mom and mom pays for and takes care of her. I want a bunny that I pay for and I take care of and is mine mine mine. I could take it everywhere. And name it something really corny like... Hippity Hoppity.

C'mon now. I'm an 18 year old virgin and even though I own cigarettes, I've never smoked. I deserve a bunny. I need something that loves me that doesn't break my heart. And look at that cuteness!!!



*laughs* I'm a freaking psycho. But I'm getting a bunny, damn it.

Besides, Mike picked out Cashmere. No wonder she hates me.

Anyways.. work summons me. I literally only have a 2-minute drive there which is going to be supremely awesome once it actually matters.

Sleep now.

I mean, work. Sarah, you have to go to work. No sleeping.

Aw, man!

*Mmmm Cadbury Eggs*

ARGH, that was a Walgreens commercial, nevermind.

Anyways I don't know where my car is. It's not in the driveway where I parked it. Well, that's just not cool.

I think I need to spend less time on the computer.

Actually, to be honest, I did spend less time here. I mean, I have been. It's just that.. when I'm home alone, why can't I check my mail? huh? Martin you have me freakin crazy now.

I am supposed to clean and then go to work today but I really wanna get the rest of my books in my car and then umm... study, and not do work. Isn't it funny how I'm just excited to study now that I'm not in school. Oh well, it works because I'll actually know what's goign on next semester.

I can't wait. I hope the housing thing works out for me and Ali (and Jenni and Sarah!) and it's not against the rules to completely switch around all the furniture so that we all still live together :-D I love those girls.

I'm so excited, I think I'm gonna go run and get some of this energy out :-)