* s t a r d u s t a g a i n s t a p a l e s k y *

A falling star is a phenomenon to an adult and magic- a miracle- to a child. Who's right? Things are what you define them. So who am I? I guess it's up to you...

3.27.2005

*Recruit Me*

So umm..

I went for a walk on the beach with my puppy from Brigantine to Atlantic City.

I tried to think about something that is really pressing on my mind.

But all I could fucking think about was Mike and, get this, still Mickey, and how much I fucking care/d about them. I feel like in Mike I lost my best friend and in Mickey I just.. lost.

I don't understand. It was LOVE to me. It was real. It IS real to me. I mean it's past and obviously over but I still care about these people. There's no way in hell I could be like them and just give the fuck up and leave. I hate it. Ugh.

I had a really great night last night with Martin. He's the sweetest guy. The thing that really makes me mad is that I've known he's the sweetest guy for like 5 years. And yet I still seem to go for assholes. And I still just can't deal with this crap. You know its been almost a year since Mickey and I broke up. And its still in my head.

I hate it. I'd do anything to not let it out my lips before it crosses my brain to shut up.

And I fucking think about this TOO MUCH.

Just GO AWAY, damn it. Fuck this, I'm really really getting annoyed.

I knew it was gonna be a bad day, didn't I?

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